It’s the most common lie no one questions. “I’m fine.” Two words are said in hallways, classrooms, and texts every day, usually followed by a smile that convinces everyone that all is okay. But “I’m fine” often isn’t an answer; it’s an escape. It’s what people say when they don’t have the energy to explain, when they don’t want to worry anyone, or when being honest feels harder than staying silent.
In a school environment where stress, expectations, and pressure are always around, mental health struggles aren’t always obvious. They can sometimes appear as perfect attendance, high grades, jokes, and smiles. So what does “I’m fine” really mean? How does it so
often hide what is going on in someone’s head, and how can listening more deeply to those around us change everything?
According to school counselor Danielle Litterelle, many students say “I’m fine” to protect themselves. Litterelle says, “Often, we put up a mask, sometimes in denial, or trying to avoid conflicts. If I say ‘I’m fine’, we can believe in the moment with that particular person that things are okay without facing what is really bothering us.” Saying the words “I’m fine” lets everyone continue moving through the day without having to really explain what is going on beneath the surface.
Peter Tinaglia, one of the upper school math teachers at WFS, says, “I think in some high schools, when you are going through it, many will see that struggle as a weakness. As something that can tarnish your reputation.” Since popularity is seen as such an important aspect of high school life, admitting that something is wrong can often feel like it threatens one’s image and changes how one is perceived.
Sometimes acknowledging emotional struggles is easy, and sometimes it is not. Nicholas Childers, a 9th Grade Global Peace teacher and 10th Grade American History teacher, echoed this idea. He says, “All students are different. I would say for me personally, I try to greet students at the door every day. Seeing students regularly sometimes gives me an idea when I greet them if I can sense something different.”
Similar to Childers, Tinaglia explains, “As we get to know you, we look for patterns of behavior. If I notice on a day that a student is different, I then look for repetition in that behavior.” When a student deviates, as Tinaglia described, from what is typical for them, it can signal a deeper struggle that others might not notice.
Physical signs show up as well for students. Amanda Reese, the school nurse, says, “Emotional stress often shows up in physical ways, like in the stomach. I have seen that emotional stress can cause stomach aches, nausea, or stomach pain.”
Academic pressure was a recurring theme across every interview. Kelley Cox, one of the upper school science teachers, pointed to college anxiety as a major source of stress. She says, “Students put the pressure on themselves to get into the ‘right’ school, and many students feel like their entire future depends on their performance now, when in reality, it doesn’t really matter where you go.” Cox also described how many people put a large emphasis on grades when, in reality, it is more important to learn.
Along with grades, college, and popularity, social pressure adds another layer to daily student struggles. Literelle says, “Social media also creates an alternate reality where the standards are unachievable. Staying in the ‘real world’ requires intention and commitment. [It’s] a ton of work.” Seeing so many people appear happy and successful online can create anxiety and a fear of missing out, making students feel like they are constantly falling behind.
Let’s face it, sometimes asking for help is scary. Whether it’s needing help on a homework question or even asking for a pencil, it can feel intimidating, but support systems are available. Resources like our school counselor Danielle Literelle, advisors, and even the school nurse, Amanda Reese, are there to help students get through difficult times.
Still, stigma hasn’t disappeared entirely. Childers expressed his concern for young men, and those who identify as young men, a group that is often unable to speak up and get the mental health support that they need. Tinaglia hopes that mental health can one day be discussed without fear of sarcasm or mockery. “I wish the loudest voices were of those who advocate for mental health struggles, instead of the voices of people who constantly make fun of those who are struggling with mental health.”
So what is WFS doing correctly? How is our school responding to mental health issues in students? Literelle says, “We have worked really hard to normalize mental health here at school. That required a lot of support from our faculty, staff, parents, and students. With the leadership of Quaker Cares…. we are on the right path.”
WFS is also actively participating in promoting better mental health by attending and sponsoring activities in sports. Recently, the girls’ basketball team participated in the Unlocke the Light Game. This game was dedicated to spreading awareness of mental health and coming together as a community to fight against it.
“I’m fine” may sound small, but it often carries the weight of stress, fear, and exhaustion. Behind those two words may be a student trying to manage a world of overwhelming pressure all alone.