In an effort to promote

physical fitness and problem-solv-
ing, the school administration has

announced that competitive rock

climbing will be the newest varsi-
ty sport. With excitement already

building, students are eager to
participate in what is being called,
“the most thrilling school sport since
dodgeball was banned”. However,
due to budget cuts, the school will

not be able to fund an actual climb-
ing wall, so the team will practice on

the existing school architecture.

Amy Hess, the health and
human dynamics teacher, first
proposed the idea of a school
climbing team. Known for her
questionable fitness initiatives
such as a failed attempt to make
ankle weights mandatory on
school property, Hess says, “We
need a sport that challenges both
the body and the mind.”

The school board was ini-
tially hesitant about the idea but

quickly came around after realiz-
ing that it would save thousands

on gym renovations by simply
declaring that all walls are now
climbing walls. The newly formed
team, named the Wall Crawlers,
has already begun practicing with

tryouts for new members sched-
uled for next week.

Without a traditional
rock climbing facility, students
will train using what the school
already has. Lockers will be left

open allowing athletes to traverse
the hallways, hangboards will be
placed in every bathroom stall
to allow for convenient finger
training, and the arches will be

available for all team members to
try their hand at scaling.
“Honestly, I’m all for it,”
says Jordyn Moore ‘26, who has
already declared herself the team
captain. “I’ve been scaling the

school walls for years now to get
out of classes, so it’s good that my

talents will finally be acknowl-
edged.”

While many students are

excited about the new sport, not
everyone is thrilled. Teachers
have raised concerns about safety
and liability, worried that the
team will cause more harm than
good.

Librarian Mary Wood-
ward is already having problems,

saying, “I walked into the library
to find a student halfway up the
bookshelves, holding on to The
Great Gatsby for dear life. This
is not what F. Scott Fitzgerald
would’ve wanted.”
The science department is
also divided on the issue. While
Mr. Roskovensky thinks that
climbing teaches some real-world

physics lessons, others are con-
cerned that the school’s structural

integrity may be at stake as door
frames are already coming loose.
Despite some concerns,
the future of competitive rock
climbing at Wilmington Friends
looks promising. There is even a

current student petition under-
way to add a speed wall to the

lower school renovations. “We

are revolutionizing the way stu-
dents move around campus,” says

Hess. “By next year walking may
be unheard of.”