The story of the average teenage student is one that almost everyone must endure. It often includes angst, confusion, self-discovery, procrastination and a lot of stress. The world shapes each individual through a series of challenges during this time. These challenges come in many shapes and sizes, but all share a common trait: they make academic and personal lives harder. When these challenges surface, they may often be too big for any one person to handle alone. From a student’s perspective, if untreated, these problems may seep into academic performances and increase already heightened anxiety. Help is usually wanted, but trying to locate a source for it can be difficult. Where is a distressed student to go when faced with such struggles? Most younger people appear to have the propensity to seek guidance from elders. However, students are reluctant when it comes to approaching teachers. Wilmington Friends School offers an accepting and tightly-bound community, one that is hard to find, yet the student body is hesitant to confide in teachers for personal help. Why don’t students feel comfortable seeking non-school-related help from teachers?

     Whether or not students feel comfortable going to teachers for problem-solving, they can rely on them to be tolerant if personal challenges lead to incomplete work and extensions on assignments. “The teachers at this school are very understanding about not being able to complete assignments because of family problems or something going on at home,” states Samantha Conner ’18, “If people have something going on they should talk to someone.” It is not unreasonable to consider reaching out to a teacher or advisor; however, students tend to rely more on friends for emotional support. When asked about his stance on the topic, Jay Handwerk ’18 says, “If the student feels a strong connection to the teacher, then they should definitely talk to them; if not, then personal issues are best left to a guidance counselor or supporting friends.” Lynn Puritz-Fine, Dean for Students, offers her input as well: “Advisors, grade level clerks (and the dean for students) and any classroom teachers or coaches with whom a student has truly connected can be wonderful support for students who are facing life’s challenges and just need an ear to help noodle things out.” She voiced her support of students consulting teachers with personal issues. Puritz-Fine believes the school staff helps create a welcoming environment, “We are so lucky to have a faculty of positive, firm, caring adults (not buddies or confidants) who students can trust to keep the discussions to themselves when they should, and to take the information where it needs to go when health and safety issues are involved.”

     A divide between students and their teachers also comes from school policy. Any personal connections are strained by the teacher’s obligation to divulge alarming information to parents. “If the issue is serious, the teacher is put in the awkward situation of whether or not to tell the student’s parents,” says Josh Pincus ’16. “I personally don’t believe that students should feel comfortable coming to teachers with personal problems, as that is putting an unfair burden on the teacher.” It is important to consider not only feelings of the student, but those of the person they choose to reveal information to. Teachers lead busy lives; seeking their help with issues outside of schoolwork may increase their stress. They might be faced with the decision to either follow school policy or act as a human-diary in order to help the student cope.

     Wilmington Friends School has done all it can to establish and maintain a safe and close community; but the school has its limits. Students and their teachers are meant to be comfortable with one another in order to achieve a successful education, but most agree that personal issues should not be shared. There are exceptions. For example, if a student happens to share a strong connection with their teacher, but the responsibility of mending private problems lies mostly in friends or family members. Even though teachers should not be relied on for personal issues, they are able to help any student in need of academic help. A student can count on his/her teacher to be understanding when these problems surface, but it is important to not drag them into it.